Understood!

As Time is closing in on my son's kidney transplant, I have found myself consumed by all the minor/major details I have to get done before we leave. Having 10 children is not easy during these times. I have a huge to-do list that, though it gets smaller by the day, I am afraid that I might not get it all finished before I have to leave.

So I stop this morning and take a few moments to read a book called "Crazy Love." The beginning of chapter 2 hit me like a ton of bricks with the real reality of LIFE. I have allowed myself to be consume with so many things going on around me that I have not taken the time to remember what LIFE is. "Jesus is the WAY, the TRUTH, and the LIFE." The scripture that made me stop dead in my tracks and realize this was not the John 14:6 quoted above but a Psalm that as I read it certain parts stuck out to me.

Psalm 73:16-17 When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I UNDERSTOOD....

I have been so oppressed with everything going on around me. The thought of having to be away from the family 4-6 weeks; the thought that my son does not even fully understand what is getting ready to happen to him (causing him pain so he can feel better in the end); the thought that my husband is going to be in one hospital and my son in another and I will not know the outcome of my husband's surgery because we both agreed it was more important that I am with my son; the children we have to leave on Sunday so we can be up there on Monday morning for Pre-op; my youngest being only 19 mos. old as her mommy it's more difficult because she does not understand; and the list goes on....

I confess this day that I have been wrong because my life has been consumed with everything going on around me instead of LIFE Himself. I have sinned against God by not trusting in Him and not putting my faith in Him. I confess that my prayer life has been crippled at best and paralyzed at worse. I confess that my time reading the Word lately has been more of a "responsibility" instead of reading it as the "LOVE letter" it has always intended to be.

I thank God for his forgiveness and purifying me. So EVEN NOW I am purposing in my heart to enter the sanctuary of God. Though I may not understand all the plans He has for me (and my family), my life is in His hands....

On Sunday morning if you see me I will be the one with tears in my eyes or tears flowing freely; but I do know this my heart will enter into worship with joy and gladness because He has this situation fully in His hands and THAT I have NOW UNDERSTOOD!