Spiritual Kidney Evaluation

So, of course, my mind has been consumed a lot with kidneys due to the recent transplant and the leading up to it. Talking to the doctors, trying to keep up with my son’s levels, trying to get my son to drink two liters of fluid a day, these are things that are consuming my life. Through it all though, God has been sharing with me some things in a spiritual perspective.

So first off let me explain what a kidney does. Its main function is to filter toxins out of our body. These impurities come from stuff that our body should not consume continuously (too much of a bad thing is not good). Think of all the preservatives and unnatural ingredients our bodies take in on a regular basis all in the name of convenience. Sometimes too much of a good thing can be bad as well. Examples include potassium, magnesium, phosphorous, etc. If too many toxins are in the body, your organs begin to shut down. It becomes especially difficult if your kidneys become diseased and cannot filter out all the toxins appropriately. The best way to keep your kidneys in good shape is drinking a lot of water on a regular basis. This will help flush out the toxins.

Unless you a specialist in urology or nephrology (kidney doctors) or understood blood work, you may not be able to tell when a person has kidney disease. Upon looking at my son, though smaller than most kids his age, he did not appear to have anything physically wrong with him, yet inside his kidneys were failing.

In Psalm 139:13 The Psalmist writes “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.” The literal translation of inmost is “kidneys.” In fact it was this scripture that God gave me to hold onto while my son was in the womb and showing signs of kidney trouble. It was like a promise to me that his life was going to be alright. So I left everything in God’s hands.

So now let us take a look at kidneys and the importance of them in our spiritual lives. I know salvation is a matter of the heart but I believe we need “spiritual kidneys” as well. (Some would more or less call them a conscious.) I believe that in order to remove the toxins out of our system we need to have ourselves cleansed with the Living Water continually. In order for my son’s new kidney to work properly I have to make him drink. My Heavenly Father wants to wash out the toxins out of my life. Like I have to keep repeating to my son….Drink, Drink, Drink, my Father is crying out to me Drink Heidi, Drink Heidi, Drink Heidi. There have been a lot of toxins placed in my life over the years (wrongful teaching, complacency, lukewarmness in different areas, etc.) My Father is urging me to Drink in His Word, focus on Him, and be purified.

Second rate stuff is not as good as getting it first hand. While it is important to be taught by Godly men or women mentors, it is of utmost importance that we drink in His Word on a personal note more. We live in a time where teachings are becoming tainted with worldliness, where social networking is more importance than having a spiritual network with our Father, where things are more valuable to us than our love for Jesus Christ. These toxins come in and invade our “kidneys” which can cause our heart organ to slowly deteriorate and our views, focus, and teaching are none better than mediocre.
The one sad part about the “kidney disease” that is going on in today’s Christian society is people see other people looking good on the outside but inside the toxins are slowly destroying their spiritual being. We need to continually encourage one another by “watering each other with the Word.” We also need to properly correct each other should we see one another taking in toxins that are not good.

It is time to get some blood work done and truly examine ourselves. We know ultimately that Christ can read our blood work. We cannot fool Him. He truly knows whether or not our “kidneys” are working properly. He knows we are born in sin but do not have to remain there. He wants to have His blood flow through us untainted by the pattern of this world.

Each of us has a choice to make now. My choice is to Keep Drinking the Living Water!

But God

This past week has been really hard for me. Until Tuesday I think in the back of my head I really believed that God would show up in tights and a cape, be my super hero and “save the day”, or come with a magical wand and say “bibbity bobbity boo” and poof a new kidney would appear. I mean surely God did not intend for my son and my husband to have to go through all this pain. He obviously has all power in His hands and is able to just say the Word and it happen.

When we met with the transplant surgeon on Tuesday, though, and the transplant coordinator gave me his lab numbers I knew we had to do this. Tuesday evening was spent crying uncontrollably to the point that I got extremely sick to my stomach and did not even get to really say good-bye to my husband when we dropped him off at the hospital on Wednesday morning.

From last May forward, my faith has been challenged, I have questioned my faith, and really the depth of it. I prayed and prayed to no avail for Andy’s healing. Surely God is the same today as He is in the Bible. I felt that I must have so much doubt and that’s the reason Andy and Larry had to go through this.

I even started questioning whether or not I am truly saved. Like I wrote in the last blog a lot of confession had to occur before “entering in the sanctuary of God.” You see in my lifetime I have had several major “storms” in my life. Each of these challenged me and through them I always come to this fork in the road. Do I take the right WAY or do I just walk away? This time has been the toughest because doubt had begun to overwhelm me.

I had to stop and take an evaluation of my entire life and see how I really got through the former storms. My marriage was pretty much destroyed BUT GOD. My finances were a mess BUT GOD. My son was told he would die young BUT GOD. And the list goes on and on and on.

The only factor in these former situations that were common was BUT GOD. So I still sit here wondering why this way of healing instead of “supernatural.” I am reminded once again of “My ways are not your ways, My thoughts are not your thoughts.” I also read something the other day that challenged me greatly..."Am I in love with God or with what He can give me?" OUCH!!! or this..."Even though I glimpse God's holiness, I am still dumb enough to forget that life is all about God and not me at all." Talk about some hard core looking deep into myself to see if my life fully reflects who He is or just using Him for convenience.

I sure hope the longer I am here the more this all makes full sense. BUT GOD will get me through this.

***quotes taken from the book "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan***

Understood!

As Time is closing in on my son's kidney transplant, I have found myself consumed by all the minor/major details I have to get done before we leave. Having 10 children is not easy during these times. I have a huge to-do list that, though it gets smaller by the day, I am afraid that I might not get it all finished before I have to leave.

So I stop this morning and take a few moments to read a book called "Crazy Love." The beginning of chapter 2 hit me like a ton of bricks with the real reality of LIFE. I have allowed myself to be consume with so many things going on around me that I have not taken the time to remember what LIFE is. "Jesus is the WAY, the TRUTH, and the LIFE." The scripture that made me stop dead in my tracks and realize this was not the John 14:6 quoted above but a Psalm that as I read it certain parts stuck out to me.

Psalm 73:16-17 When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I UNDERSTOOD....

I have been so oppressed with everything going on around me. The thought of having to be away from the family 4-6 weeks; the thought that my son does not even fully understand what is getting ready to happen to him (causing him pain so he can feel better in the end); the thought that my husband is going to be in one hospital and my son in another and I will not know the outcome of my husband's surgery because we both agreed it was more important that I am with my son; the children we have to leave on Sunday so we can be up there on Monday morning for Pre-op; my youngest being only 19 mos. old as her mommy it's more difficult because she does not understand; and the list goes on....

I confess this day that I have been wrong because my life has been consumed with everything going on around me instead of LIFE Himself. I have sinned against God by not trusting in Him and not putting my faith in Him. I confess that my prayer life has been crippled at best and paralyzed at worse. I confess that my time reading the Word lately has been more of a "responsibility" instead of reading it as the "LOVE letter" it has always intended to be.

I thank God for his forgiveness and purifying me. So EVEN NOW I am purposing in my heart to enter the sanctuary of God. Though I may not understand all the plans He has for me (and my family), my life is in His hands....

On Sunday morning if you see me I will be the one with tears in my eyes or tears flowing freely; but I do know this my heart will enter into worship with joy and gladness because He has this situation fully in His hands and THAT I have NOW UNDERSTOOD!