First off, I would like to say that if it were not for God’s grace, mercy, healing, and restoration, my marriage would have ended up like so many others…the big ugly “D” word divorce. As a marriage survivor of infidelity, I feel strongly that God has placed upon my heart the burden of other marriages that are struggling. He has given me the opportunity to minister to other women who are going through a variety of situations.
God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), yet so many feel like it is the only option to fix their “problem.” While Jesus does give an “opt-out” button for adultery, it still is not His perfect will. What many do not realize is when they make get married they make a covenant not only to their spouse but also to Almighty God. A marriage is not a quick contract that can easily be dissolved with minor penalties. The repercussions of divorce are monstrous. Think of dropping a rock in a lake. The waves start out small but soon the whole lake feels the effects and weight of that rock.
So what causes infidelity anyway? It is not just something that happens in a few moments. It is something that takes time. It starts with the heart that is not guarded (Proverbs 4:23). It starts with a thought that has not been taken captive and made obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). It starts with words that are vomited out of mouths that are not uplifting, encouraging. It starts at a place where self becomes the center of focus in the individual’s life rather than Jesus.
An argument ensues yet again between spouses over the same thing. As tempers flare, words being to spew out that are not thought through. Thoughts begin to form on how to get even or the “what if’s” begin to play out. Pain causes walls to be built. It could be stressors of bills, loss of job, children being defiant, etc. that seem to be the problem but deep down it becomes a heart issue.
If your marriage is struggling, take a look at your own life. Is it Jesus centered, with a guarded heart and thought life? Are words being spoken that are uplifting and encouraging instead of demeaning?
(I do know and understand there are some marriages struggling where one spouse has “jumped off the deep end” and the problems are not the results of the other spouse.)
Infidelity in a marriage is when one puts self before spouse. Infidelity of the heart begins when you do not place Jesus first and other things become more important to you than your relationship with Him. As Christians we are the bride of Christ meaning he is the bridegroom. We should put Him in the forefront of all of our thoughts, words, and actions. We should reflect who He is. When we choose the things of this world over him we commit infidelity of the heart. We are all guilty of infidelity of this fashion. Thankfully He is the great Forgiver and Cleanser of all unrighteousness.
Many out there are struggling with various addictions/idols. These could be in the world’s eyes big like Adultery, Gambling, Drinking, Pornography, Drugs, etc. But what about the other addictions/idols like food (gluttony), drama (crave to hear juicy junk), gossip (tell others about juicy junk), notoriety (wanting to be recognized by others), TV, Internet, even social media like Facebook, Twitter. We have to realize that anything that diverts our eyes, hearts, and thoughts away from our “Husband” (Isaiah 54:5) or anything else we run to in a stressful situation for comfort instead of going to our Comforter is considered infidelity of the heart.
If you feel like your relationship with Christ is struggling, take a look at your own life. Is it Jesus centered with a guarded heart and thought life? Are words being spoken that are uplifting and encouraging instead of demeaning?
It is time to take accountability for our own actions that have led to infidelity in our hearts. It is time for hearts to be forgiven, for restoration in our relationships to occur whether in our relationship with Christ or our marriage (which means both).
